The Fall of ’06.

In truth I felt like Tinkerbell who kept hearing someone say, “I don’t believe in fairies”.
Too many things, too many needs, too many words, too many opinions, too hazy to see.

Or in a dark dank dreary tunnel.  Panic edging over me as sight is limited… such blackness and such despair…  I’ve never seen ~ or unseen ~ such hopelessness.  The “word” I keep hearing ~
at first very faintly but louder with each chorus ~ “It is over for you.  For you, it is over.”   Then the chant changes to  “Because of who you are, because of how you are, it is over.” 

These words would fade in and out over the days of my fall. I don’t know when I began to believe them.   I made some feeble attempts at self-correction.. really at self-preservation.  These got  blasted to smitherings as folks I dearly respect would confirm the word ~ that negative word.
So my attempts at self-rescue ended with me being in a lower spot than when I started.
Hopeless is a real word.   Hopeless is a real world.

Or on a mountain top, with a glorious view ~ but suddenly I’m aware that the mountain is crumbling beneath me.  Helpless to prevent it, I enjoy all I can ~ squeeze everything out I possibly can, pretending there is no shifting going on.  There came a point when the violence of the shredding mountain top nearly toppled me.  Basically, the thing was disintegrating no matter how I tried to accommodate to it. 

Suddenly I find myself on tip-toe, trying to balance.
Intensely I study the ground, to predict its movements, to keep from falling off it ~
Using both feet first, the surface narrows and there’s only room for one.  Terrified, I scream.
Destruction, death and demolition ~ demolishing ~ are everywhere in my ears.  
Crashing.  Earth shattering.  Life ending.   
The edge of loneliness more horrible than knowing I am going to die.
Dizziness and vertigo command my senses.
I scream again, but there was no one to hear. 

I glance below, try to catch a shred of ground ~ there is absolutely none to see. 

The VOID laughed then ~ as I stretch ~

a single-thread of humanity, the earth beneath spilling like sand.

With arms outstretched, I try clutching the sky ~  “Just… hold… me!”

Doom, despair and death join hands ~
as the last particle of earth dissipates and my toe hits emptiness.

I hear someone screaming…  screaming… screaming ~ “GOD!”

****************************

When I lose my breath, I stop screaming. 
Panting, sweating, terrified to move… through clenched eyes…. I see Him.  Right in front of me.
 
Smiling.

 “See?” He rumbles, pointing to my foot, still ridiculously straining on tippy toe ~

And I look.  Amazing.  There is no ground under me.

And Father roars,   “You have never needed that ground.
   You will never need that ground.
   I AM that I AM !
   I AM your mountain.
   I AM your ground.
   Stand firm, but only on Me.”

(there is a scene from Pinocchio, where the little wooden puppet has died in the ocean, saving his father from Monstro the whale.  Now  his father kneels by Pinocchio’s bedside, crying for his lifeless puppet.  Suddenly, Pinocchio awakes… he sits up, amazed as he looks himself over)
 “I’m alive!  Why… I can move…  I can walk!  Look Father!  Look!
Why… I’m a REAL boy!”)

When my spiritual muscles relax enough, He takes me back to that dank, dark cave.
“Go in.”

If you look closely at the tunnel walls, instead of at yourself, you see all manner of gems reflecting all manner of light.  The first thing I recognized, not being a connoisseur of gemstones were the pearls.

 Pearl.  The Pearl of Great Price.   Pearls of Spiritual Truth.
The gates in New Jerusalem are made on pearl.  One gate of one pearl.  12 in all.  Rev 21:21
12 large angels, one for each gate.  12 foundation stones in the foundation wall of New Jerusalem.

These 12 and more are in my tunnel.  Also in Aaron’s breastplate and replete throughout the Word. 

1) Jasper ~ clear as crystal ~ transparent
2) Sapphire ~ almost hard as diamonds. Blue.
3) Chalcedony ~ crystals are microscopic ~ white agate.
“thunder eggs” drab gray round stones, broken open reveals colorful crystaline beauty.
4) Emerald ~ deep green
5) Onyx ~ banded agates, cameo product (cameos look like someone!)
Like us, little round stones with life inside ~ especially when “banded” together
6) Sardius ~ red/carnelian.  Iron oxide gives color and strength.
7) Chrysolite ~ yellow to green ~ most quality ones come from island in the Red Sea.  Selah!
8) Beryl ~ single crystal from South Dakota was 75 tons!
Light weight, valuable metal inside not known until 1828.
9) Topaz ~ yellow, hardness an 8 (diamonds are 10)
10)   Chrysoprase ~ apple green ~ due to nickel found in it. 
  Beads made 1500BC found in Egyptian tomb!   Suggests endurance and prosperity
11)  Jacinth ~ Ligure ~ Reddish orange
12)  Amethyst ~ purple quartz.  Natural cubes of crystals of fluorite
 Once thought to be antidote for drunkenness.

Pray for favor, as I’m asking a wise friend soon to help me with this gem stuff ~ it’s so much deeper than I could plummet today.  I don’t want to “hold” a gemstone ~ I want to “own” what it represents.  There is a difference.  I don’t want to “look” at the Kingdom ~ I want to “be” the Kingdom.

I feel we are stars in His universe.
Do you want to be a bright and shining star?
Or do you want to be part of His aurora borealis?
A single star, of great beauty to be sure ~
or part of a group of stars that cause all men on earth to stand awestruck by your beauty?

There are all kinds of stars.  Shooting stars, twinkling stars, fiery stars, cluster stars, falling stars.
God has use for them all.
How boring the sky could become, if it contained only one.

You cannot become unless you do.
And you must then do something different than what you have been doing
Otherwise you will stay what you have been
And not become what God is calling you to be.