7/10/ 06 ~ The Crystal Sea
I am approaching the Crystal Sea. It is smooth, inviting, even playful! Images of sliding and swirling - laying on my back in "angel making" position and just spinning on this brilliant Sea... a happy place of safety, recreation, pleasure. All is smooth and silky as I obey Father. I can see His Throne ahead and realize that I am going there.
(I've heard it said that if I am born again, I have a river of life inside me and if I do not paddle, I will end up at the Throne.)
Suddenly and without reason - I disobey! It is one tiny thing. I do not know, in this God moment, what I disobeyed about - only that it appeared very very small, nearly insignificant. At least it appeared insignificant to me at that time.
However, the instant I knew this.. the Crystal Sea came alive with movement! One minute I had absolute secure footing - the next I was walking on a outraged waterbed! The Crystals began to come up from the surface of the Sea.. in Crystal form. Solid, sharp, many facets... with very smooth sides. Because I am preoccupied with holding on and keeping my balance, I loose the ability to see - and cannot seem to obey other "tiny" things. More and more Crystals emerged until the actually Sea surface is gone. Desperately clutching the side of one Crystal that has risen in front of me, I am still totally aware that the Throne is directly ahead and I will still get there. But I see now that my journey has turned from safe and pleasurable, to dangerous and painful. The sharp danger takes every ounce of my skill, my knowledge and the ability to hang on. A place of testing, of endurance, of hardship, danger and such fear. Ice cuts my flesh as the whole Sea shifts without warning.. Crystals rising still higher until they form an entire formidable mountain range of icy, glaring beauty... uncrossable... inescapable.. unmerciful... exhausting me in spirit, soul and body. It is so lonely here. A white-knuckle place that drains energy, thought, desire, creativity, even my humanity. I am de-humanized and have become a severe survivor.
In anguish I finally must surrender. In anguish I commit myself to plunge to death between the icy shards.
Strength and hope spent, I let go.... I surrender to total submission - completely out-of-control..
As I plummet I whisper, "Obedience? This is about obedience?" and see these words on the solid sheet of ice before me - "To Love is To Obey".
In a twinkle, the ice surrounds me like a gentle hand. The sides are smooth and velvet - like ointment to my ice-burnt skin. The texture of it brings health and healing to my wounds, inside and out. Like a slow slide, I travel downward without interruption. The transformation has been instant and complete. The piercing crags of Crystal melt and take away all fear. I regain my breath and the ability to see again. The beauty of the landscape returns, mental well-being and creativity fill my mind. The joy of being close to His Throne is stunning! Treacherous danger seems eons, absolute eons away... yet it has been only moments... this journey into His encampment is as painless as the mountains were pain-filled.
Now I see the base of the slide below. It spreads out like a carpet of sparkling majesty, filled with joy, with laughter and many other pilgrims who have risked obedience.
I shake my head in wonder; ask myself the universal question, "Why did I wait so long?" (I still have no knowledge of what I disobeyed - only that I did then and I'm not now) Yet, here on the tranquil Crystal Sea there is no room for self-judgment or condemnation. There is only joy and supreme contentment. Confidence reigns in me. His death for my life. Again.
Thus I enjoy perfected fellowship and the amazing ability to see far, far, far... but I no longer have the need or desire to do so. Confident in this Kairos, this now moment, I am comfortably, completely, constantly submitted to Him. And in so doing, I am free.
